Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
