Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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