I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
