you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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