Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
