my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
