I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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