i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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