bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
