Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize