Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you traded sex for a burrito?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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