that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize