are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
