Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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