By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
