Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
