I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
