Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
