I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
