I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
