This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
