he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
whose parrot is this?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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