If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
