The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
