chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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