I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
