I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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