a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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