WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
