my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
