i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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