how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
