the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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