That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
