don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
