im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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