So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
