Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
