omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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