I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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