If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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