Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So many bounce houses so little time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
