last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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