Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
