i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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