sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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