i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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