You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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