he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
