I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
