Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
