Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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