what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize