It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
