she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
