I can tuck mytits in my pants
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
