she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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