I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
