the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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