My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
