I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
