She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
