***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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