I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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