Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
