I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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