so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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