she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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