There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
