why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize