I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
