There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
