Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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