You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
